Newly married you just jump on each other thinking that the other person is going to fulfill you, complete you…..“happily lived ever after”….. Maybe you can use that statement on your tomb: “Happily lived ever after”! See, “happily lived ever after” appearing as a scrolling, and then the couple holding hands together and walking, this eternal scene is almost international! All Hollywood, Kollywood, Bollywood, Sandalwood, whatever “wood” it may be, this scene is the eternal scene, this is the end scene: “happily lived ever after”!
That is one of the biggest hopes human-beings think, that the other person will complete you, the other person will fulfill you. You jump on each other. The next scene should be you sitting on the Corporation garbage dumping yard! If I am asked to make a movie, the next scene will be that, that vast Corporation garbage dumping yard, Chennai, Bangalore, Corporation garbage dumping yard; in that a few pigs fighting with each other! And, then, realizing that neither they are fulfilling each other, nor the garbage is giving them what they want!
Understand, I am not against marriage.
I am against loaded marriage – marriage loaded with false expectations, marriage loaded with false expectations, some false promises; the man trying to take away all the power of the woman without taking the responsibility of completing her, and the woman trying to control the man without taking the responsibility of completing him.
Actually, before the marriage, you both have to sit and do the Anyakaara Parishodhana; Means, what you think about you, how you project you to others, how you perceive the other person, and how you perceive the world. This Ahankaara (outer image), Mamakaara (inner image), Anyakaara (other’s image about you), Swa-Anyakaara (your image about life and others), these four you both should sit together and analyze. This is the first thing which needs to be done before any marriage, before any relationship.
Before even making a friend, if you sit and analyze it, you will have an amazing friend, you will have a best friend! In our Sangha also I have seen, I have seen some of the best friends, they understood all these four. Both of them have understood all these four. Only then they became best friends. In your life, with whomever you shared these four, means, Inner Image, Outer Image, Others’ Image, and Life Image, and they shared their Inner Image, Outer Image, Life Image and Others’ Image, you became best buddies. If you are husband and wife, you became best husband and wife. If you are friends, you became best friends. If you are brother and sister, you became best brother and sister. The best happened between you guys when you shared what is your Inner Image now, Outer Image, Others’ Image, and Life Image, and what you want to become, both your existing image and authentic image, you became best support for each other.