Why do people break up, don’t live happily ?


Mohandas Pai: Swamiji, why is there conflict in families between 2 people. Between spouses, why do people break up, don’t live happily, how to handle conflict and what causes this conflict?

Swamiji: Basically, you keep somebody as part of your cognition, but you are not ready to take the responsibility for how they expect you. See when….for example when you visualize….when somebody visualizes their joy, if they do not keep their spouse and children in that joy frame, then they don’t have to be responsible. If  they visualize fear, in that fear frame if something happening to their child, their spouse, is not there in that frame, then he doesn’t need to bother about what they think about him or how they hold him. When your joy frame, greed frame, life frames, has all of them as part of it, then we are responsible for how they hold us, what we stand for them, what is our commitments and relationships, what is our understandings and said-unsaid agreements. Not leaving any grey area, with the people who are in your life frame, is relationship.

Mohandas Pai: But Swamiji, this is very fascinating. Then, how do we relate to the rest of society?

Swamiji:  What I am saying….Yes…

Mohandas Pai: How….What is the obligation to every creature..

Swamiji: Yes, yes…..

Mohandas Pai: on this Planet,…

Swamiji: So what I am saying…

Mohandas Pai: …and everybody else?

Swamiji: Our immediate life frame, whoever is, may be 25 people for a common man. A bigger family person, may have 100 people in that frame. When we work with this 100 people or 25 people, people who are in our life frame and bring completion, we will learn the knack of keeping grey area zero. What is your expectation of me and what is my commitment to you? what is our relationship?, defining it and living it, what I call Integrity. When we work with this 100 people, we know very clearly how to work with the larger group. See the Pindanda, Pindanda is our body. Our body related, wherever our body moves, this 100 people are the people who are in the part of the life, where this body moves. If we bring completion with this group then where our mind moves, means people are influenced by our thought currents, who are trying to influence our thought currents, we know how to bring completion with them. Then the larger society. Ultimately the whole Universe is us. If we can master this simple completion with the Pindanda, means people who are in our cognition. As I said, if you are remembering thrice, or seeing them thrice a day, they are part of you. They are part of your inner frame, life frame. Whether your joy, your pain, your bliss, your anxiety, our depression or our excitement, everything is dependent on them. The people who are in the inner frame, if we don’t care about them, they can collapse our joy in 2 second. One phone call is enough.

Mohandas Pai: Yes, yes…that’s true…yes…

Swamiji: Understand. So then we are responsible. Every human being, should start ironing out the relationships, especially people who are…people who are in his life frame. In his life frame, this ironing out, this completion, the lowest grey area, will bring tremendous joy, security in relationships among the Beings. This will teach an individual, how to be the larger group.

Mohandas Pai: But Swamiji, if we have to find inner peace, we need to be happy and we have so many obligations to everybody, where is the time for ourselves?

Swamiji: I am telling you…

Mohandas Pai: How do we… How do we reconcile this need to get along in the life frame, in the personal life frame, in the societal life frame, with our own space as individual?

Swamiji: Happiness is not always about the time. See now you made the 2 statement – First, you made a statement, Time. Second, you made a statement, Space. If we are involved with everyone, where is the time? Then you made a statement – Where is our space? Actually our space is independent of the time. If our space is evolved, 24 hours we will be happy.

Mohandas Pai: Oh….

Swamiji: The time we are spending…you see, you feel the time you are spending on others, where is time for me? Because you do not understand….we do not understand, so called…all the others are in our frame.

Mohandas Pai: Oh…

Swamiji: See end of the day, our whole frame need to be happy for us to be happy, because that is what we call happiness.

Mohandas Pai: It is an extension of our own persona.

Swamiji: You see what…when we close our eyes and visualize what is happiness. We say, “My son will be very happily sitting next to me”, “ My spouse will be very happily talking to me”, “We will all be there somewhere in the vacation”, whatever, whatever, you visualize, for that frame to become reality, you need to work in every person involved in that frame.

Mohandas Pai: Yes….

Swamiji: So how can you call that as spending time on others?

Mohandas Pai: Yes…

Swamiji: End of the day, the frame we are trying to make it as happiness, we need to take the responsibility for the whole and working on all the people who are involved in that frame, has to be only addressed as ‘working on us’ not ‘giving time for others’.

Mohandas Pai: Ah, okay…

Swamiji: Because see, or we should have a frame, “I’ll be all alone sitting in Himalayas, alone cave, that is my joy”. If we have that as a frame, then no problem.

Mohandas Pai: No problem…

Swamiji: No problem, we don’t need to work on anybody. We don’t need to bother about anybody’s happiness. What is our frame of happiness?

Mohandas Pai: we define it…

Swamiji: That we define. So when we define…when we define our happiness, we have all the people inside, but when we need to work, we think we should…we should be working only on us not on others, that’s the blind spot.

Mohandas Pai: That’s the blind spot..

Swamiji: That’s the blind spot.

Mohandas Pai: What is your life frame?

Swamiji: So…. Let me…let me….let me be very honest. With all My integrity, I tell you, when I look in and My joy or My bliss, My bliss life frame, I do not see, even ME in that.

Mohandas Pai: Oh…

Swamiji: Let me just….let me explain. When I look in and see, even this body is not in that frame, so what goes on to this body also, is not going to affect My joy frame.

Mohandas Pai: Oh…

Swamiji: My joy frame is such a permanent bolted in My consciousness, all I need is even just a remembrance of My existence, for Me to be in joy frame. For example, for some years This Body will function, then some years after that, It may not function, It may stop functioning, but that is no way stopping My joy frame because even This is not part of My joy frame.

Mohandas Pai: I understand, yes…

Swamiji: Then you may ask, “Then what for I am working?”

Mohandas Pai: Yes…

Swamiji: I am working casually, whoever comes in front of me, I will try to make them joyful and I will be….I will be working with all my integrity, but I am not bothered if they don’t become joyful.

Mohandas Pai: Oh…

Swamiji: Because I don’t feel even This is inside My life frame. So even This is an extra because even This body is an extra, all, everyone else is extra. Whenever we work for somebody’s happiness, who is not in our life frame is Service. If we are working for the people, who are in our life frame, for their happiness – it is responsibility, duty and if we are not doing that we are not even being responsible, we are irresponsible. If we are working for the happiness of the people who are out of our life frame, that is Service. 

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