Many times you justify your guilt by labeling it as responsibility. No! How does one differentiate between guilt and responsibility? If you get into a low feeling when you think about it, it is guilt. If you feel intensity and integrity, it is responsibility. This is the clear scale. If you are pulled to low energy at the thought of what you did, then it is guilt. But if you feel good about it, then it is responsibility. Falling into guilt is a clear way of escaping responsibility. Once a man came to me complaining, ‘I am suffering. I have fourteen children.’ I asked him why he chose to have so many children. He replied, ‘Why? God gave me!’ The problem is, we do all that we want to do without taking responsibility for it. After doing it, we feel god made us do it! If we take up responsibility for every action, we will never land up in guilt or trouble.
All guilt related to extramarital affairs comes under this category of sheer lack of responsibility in behavior. Be very clear that extramarital affairs clearly show disrespect to another being, your spouse. You have no right to disrespect another being.
What is the meaning of the relationship of marriage?
Let me explain. Man as such is centered on muladhara chakra or the lust energy center in the body, and woman is centered on the swadhishthana chakra or the fear energy center in the body. That is why man gives in to lust easily and woman gives in to fear easily.
If you see during the traditional vedic marriage ceremony, in front of the sacred fire considered to be a representation of god, the man promises to the woman, ‘I shall give you security and release you from insecurity (fear).’ The woman promises to the man, ‘I shall give you love and free you from lust.’ Both of them decide to liberate the other from their weaknesses.
But what happens once the ceremony is over? Instead of freeing the other person of the weakness, each starts playing on the weakness of the other person. Knowing the other person’s weakness should make one compassionate towards that person. Instead, the man exploits the woman’s fear and the woman exploits the man’s lust in many ways.
Not only that, when one indulges in extramarital affairs, one increases the insecurity for the spouse. When you disrespect the feelings of another person, you reduce the person to a mere commodity. If you see your husband or wife as a commodity, you will continue to play your game with them. If you see them as a being, you will realize how much they have contributed to your life.
When man faces insecurity, the woman should become a mother. When the woman becomes centered on fear, the man should become her father.
When something is told to you, if you take full responsibility of deciding whether it is right or wrong, you can avoid all guilt feelings. If you don’t take responsibility for your decision, you will feel discontented whether you do the action or not. If you do as you are told, you will feel that you are being dominated, that you are not being assertive, that you are being exploited. If you don’t do as you are told, you start feeling guilty that maybe it was the right thing to do.
There is no need for this unnecessary dilemma. Just be simple. Respond intelligently. Take responsibility for doing whatever you are going to do. Then there is no question of guilt. If you are not going to do it, explain clearly to the person why you are not going to do it. When you explain, the other person may agree with you and may even be thankful to you for it. Or he may have stronger and better reasons than you to justify what he is saying, then you will be thankful to him for raising your intelligence.
In this way, you could use every opportunity, every moment in life to raise your intelligence, to raise your consciousness.
There is a certain guilt that is useful for you, a guilt which if pursued intelligently can cause you to move forward in life. When you see that you have the potential to do something, when you feel that you have so much potential which you are not using at all, then if you are intelligent, guilt will happen in you. This guilt can spur you to start doing things that will actualize your entire potential.
Sometimes we see the state of things around us and we know in one corner of our mind that we can very well help turn the situation around. But either due to laziness or due to the fear of confrontation, or due to the fear of taking responsibility, we just keep quiet and watch. This type of situation can cause deep guilt in us. This guilt is significant. If we take steps to correct the situation by doing what we really feel we should do, then the guilt will disappear and we will also move forward.
This type of guilt has the ability to drive you to do what needs to be done. Because of its very nature, you cannot harbor this guilt for long. You have to get over it. The way to get over it is by doing what needs to be done. Once it is done, the guilt also disappears. How long you wish to harbor this guilt without taking steps, for that long you suffer from it. This is the simple logic of this guilt.
Another manifestation of this guilt happens when you can feel your ego surfacing in certain situations and you are unable to help it. When you can smell your ego but you are unable to control it, this guilt arises in you. This guilt is also good since it is a sign of the deep awareness of your own ego. It facilitates you to sincerely work towards eliminating that ego.
source: Living Enlightenment